Episode 101: Desmond's Big Day Out / Transcript

Title sequence

Cuts from outside the building, which is a big smiley face, to inside the lobby, where a dancing alien is shown on the television

Charlie: Pim, can we watch something else?

Pim: No, shh. It's about to get really good. It's about to get really good. Trust me.

A snapping sound is heard from the corner Alan is crouched down by.

Charlie: Hey Alan. What are you, uh, what are you doing back there, man?

Alan: I think we might have a mouse in the office. My precious piece of cheese has gone missing. Unless one of you took it.

Charlie: I mean, I don't know. I, uh, haven't seen your pieces of cheese.

Pim: Oh, you missed it.

Charlie: What?

Pim: Oh, just, um, the character did a spin. It was, like, a cool spin. That was the whole reason I was showing it to you, but, yeah. It was --- it was just kind of cool.

Charlie: Okay.

Just then, an alarm started going off inside the building. The alarm is shown to be noticeable outside as well, scaring off any passerby's walking near by.

Cuts to inside The Boss' office. Pym and Charlie are there.

The Boss: Hey, guys.

Charlie: So we got a job?

The Boss: Yeah, but you sort of caught me in the middle of something, here. You guys don't have a problem watching someone eat, do you?

Pim and Charlie: Not really, no. Go --- go ahead, man. Go ahead.

The Boss: All right.

The Boss picks up his "Child", undoes his shirt and starts breastfeeding it.

The Boss: So I got a call from a mom today. She's concerned about her son, say he's been, quote, "A bit mopey lately", She's wondering if you guys could put a smile on the little rascal's face. Uh, they're at 8501 West Tyson . . .

The "Child" bites The Boss' nipple mid-sentence

The Boss: Ow! Hey, no biting. Hey! No biting. Okay? You want me to bite you?

"Child": Yeah

The Boss: You know that hurts Daddy. I told you, silly. No biting, okay? You're my good little baby, huh?

"Child": Yeah

The Boss: Yeah, mm.

The Boss resumes breastfeeding the "Child".

Charlie: Uh, yeah. I mean, no. For sure, we can do that. We could help the kid smile and everything. Did you need anything else or is that . . .

The Boss: No. Now go out there, and make someone smile.